Chapter 1

Nigeria 1980

     Screams echoed through the makeshift hospital in the small Nigerian village,before sailing out the door to mingle with the hot,still air. The St.John A.M.E. Church delegation of missionaries from St.Simons Island,Georgia flinched, every time they heard the woman's agonizing cries. The villagers only concerns were the clothes,shoes,books and toys the missionary women were handing out.

     Indigo Roberts looked at the mud and stick hut,a feeling of helplessness enveloped her.

     Her husband, Dr.Thurmond Roberts had told her the birth would be long and difficult because the woman was severely dehydrated and malnourished.He knew nothing of her medical history.

     Thurmond had delivered five babies since their arrival,all fairly quick and simple.He had been with this woman for over six hours.

     Indigo had never experienced childbirth.

She had suffered four miscarriages in the past eight  years.The last one ended all of their dreams of having children when she had to undergo an emergency hysterectomy.

     Trudging over to the battered wooden table set up in the middle of the village,Indigo submerged a large dipper into the bucket of lukewarm water. Filling the small cup she wore tied to a dirty piece of twine hooked on her jeans,she drank the water down with out stopping to breathe,then refilled her cup.

     She sat under one of the almost barren trees mopping the inescapable sweat with a handkerchief she kept tied around her neck. Leaning against the tree,she closed her tired,throbbing eyes.

     They had arrived in Africa four days earlier.It had taken the small caravan almost two days to reach the remote village.She had been on her feet since they stepped from the antiquated bus.There wasn’t enough time for sleep,everyone had to settle for an occasional catnap.

     Besides Thurmond and Indigo there were six other missionaries.They had fed,clothed and inoculated over three hundred people. They were working in shifts to help as many of the remaining one hundred or so villagers get the help they needed.Most of them had walked miles to get to the village,because they heard there would be a doctor.

     I better get up from here. Indigo thought, glancing at her watch. My shift is set to start soon.

     When she stood and stretched,a movement in her peripheral vision caught her attention.

     A small naked child was sitting alone crying, covered with flies.As Indigo approached,the toddler fell screaming in the dirt.She curled into a fetal position,covering her head instinctively with her tiny thin arms.Her raspy screams seemed to drain all her strength.

     "Hi sweetie," Indigo softly whispered as she crouched beside her."What are you doing over here by yourself ?" Indigo fanned away the fat green flies as she gently rubbed the girl's pockmarked legs.Her cries diminished to a whimper,but she didn't move.

     "Hush sweetie,I'm not going to hurt you." Indigo guessed the child was not quite two years old.Dipping  her rag in her cup,she wiped the child's tear streaked face and cracked lips.After a few minutes of coaxing,Indigo was able to place the girl on her lap.She slowly rocked the child while humming a mindless tune.As Indigo stood up,the girl clutched her blouse,screaming.

     "Shh,kidogo nyeusi peremende*.I'm going to take you over here so we can find your Mama,okay?" Indigo walked back to the women huddled around the boxes of supplies.None of them took notice of the child.

     "Hafiz!" She yelled out to one of the three translators.A purple hued man walked quickly to her side.

     "Yes ma'am Mrs.Roberts?" He replied in precise English. 

     "Can you help me find this baby's mother?

     “Yes ma'am.”

     “I found her over by a tree crying.She probably just wandered off.”

     Hafiz turned away.

     “One other thing,Hafiz.”

     He turned back to her.

     “Yes,Mrs.Roberts ?”

     “Can you bring her something to eat please?"

     "Yes ma'am." Hafiz gave the girl a quick glance before disappearing into the thinning crowd of villagers.

     "Okay nyeusi peremende,lets find you something to

 wear." Indigo said with the child still clutching to her blouse like a frightened kitten.After searching  the almost empty boxes,she found a t-shirt and pair of shorts.Indigo talked in soft tones as she carried her to the area the missionaries set up for the women to bathe their children.

     When Indigo lowered the girl into the large,gray

metal tub,her screams caused everyone to stop and stare.

     "Baby,I'm not going to hurt you.I promise." But there was no calming the terrified child.She clawed at Indigo's face and neck,trying to climb over her shoulder.Indigo grabbed a small towel and a fat bar of yellow soap and cleaned the sniffling child as best she could.She slipped the clothes onto her thin frame.

     Hafiz returned with a bowl of efo* and a thin slice of bread."Mrs.Roberts the child belongs to the woman inside with your husband.She came into the village a couple of days ago.They say she was very weak.She didn’t talk to anyone."

     The villagers spoke mainly Yoruba and very few words of English.

     "Thank you Hafiz.We’ll find out about them after she delivers."

     "Yes ma'am." He quickly walked back to the group of translators.

     Indigo sat down and began to feed the starved child.Indigo noted her strength as she tried to jab the spoon between her cracked lips.

     "What you got there Indigo?" Paula Adams, her best friend since elementary school asked as she sat beside her in the rocky dirt.

     "A little chocolate angel.Her mother is the one delivering." Indigo fed her the last of the soup,then wiped her face and hands.

     "She must have delivered already because the screaming has stopped." Paula said.

      Indigo settled the child in the crook of her arm,"I didn't notice.” She rocked the girl humming the same mindless tune.Her attention fully on the child.

     Paula soon grew tired of the one sided

 conversation and walked away.

  Indigo studied the child's face.Her large eyes were ringed with long black lashes that brushed her face as she fought to stay awake.Her nose reminded Indigo of a small brown acorn.

     She could be very pretty if she were properly cared for, Indigo thought absently rubbing the child's sparse,wiry hair;then imagined putting colorful ribbons on it as her mother had done when she were a child.

     Sleep eventually claimed the waif to Indigo's relief.She awkwardly stood,rotating her feet to ease the tingling sensation.Indigo walked toward the make shift hospital,when she spotted her husband sitting under a tree.

     Indigo could see the weariness in his eyes as he smiled up at her.She kissed him as she sat down.

     "Thurmond,you’ve got to get some rest.You haven't slept since we got here."

     "I know,baby.I'm going to take a nap in a few minutes.Who’s this?" He ask touching the child's arm.

     "I’ve been calling her my piece of kidogo nyeusi peremende." Indigo was always trying to teach herself a new language.Thurmond was fluent in over twenty different languages and dialects.When Indigo found out they were coming to Africa she began to teach herself Swahili,even though it was spoken on the East coast and they were on the West coast.

     "Your little black candy ?" Thurmond said smiling at her attempt.

     "No! I meant to say little chocolate candy."She replied laughing.

     "Chakelti is chocolate,baby.Nyeusi is black."

     "Chakelti peremende.No,I like nyeusi peremende better.No wait,Nyeusi Chakelti.Black Chocolate."

     "Well who does Miss Nyeusi Chakelti belong to ?"

     "The woman who just delivered.What did she have?"

     "Oh my God." Thurmond said standing abruptly.

     "Thurmond,what’s wrong? What happened?" Indigo ask standing beside him.

     "The baby was stillborn." He replied, hitting his fist in his open hand."Damn."

     "I'm so sorry,sweetheart.Is the mother very upset?" 

     "She didn't make it either.She bled to death."

     "Oh my God! I am so sorry Thurm.But what's going to happen to Nyeusi?”

     “We can check with the villagers to see if she has any other relatives.”

     “She doesn’t.I had Hafiz ask around earlier.They came to the village a couple of days ago.” Indigo put the sleeping child against her rapidly beating heart.

”Thurm,we can’t just leave Nyeusi here.”

     Thurmond looked at his wife’s face,and knew she would not leave Africa without this child.

     ”When they brought the woman into the hospital she handed me this.”

     He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knotted piece of multi-colored cloth. “She mumbled something,but she was so weak I couldn’t understand her.” When he untied it,a twisted silver bracelet lay in the center.There were several old coins connected to the coiled metal.

     ”I guess it was her way of paying me.” He handed the bracelet to Indigo.”When Nyeusi Chakleti is old enough to understand you can tell her about her beginnings.”

     Indigo leaned against the only man she ever loved,tears streaming down her face.”Thank you Thurmond.Thank you.”

Swahili

kidogo-little

nyeusi-black

chakelti-chocolate

peremende-candy

Nigerian

efo-vegetable soup

Chapter Two

     The wet leaves and naked branches stung Nyeusi’s face as she ran through the woods.When she lost her balance on the moss covered stones,her hands connected with damp earth.As she wiped the dirt,leaves and a dead beetle from her hands,she heard him again.

     “Nyeusiii.” He screamed.

     She ran.Petrified,Nyeusi knew if he caught her it would mean her death.The river.She knew she would be safe there.Safe,because of who would be at the water’s edge.

     She could hear the fat bullfrogs and crickets,the smell of the water pricked her nose.Almost there.Her legs were beginning to stiffen. Then she saw him kneeling at the bank.He stood and turned toward her,his arms open wide.

     “Nyeusi.” His voice sent tingles of ecstasy through her ears,around her neck and down her spine.She moaned as sensations flowed through her.Her skin remembered the touch of his hands,his mouth,his body.Her mouth watered wanting to taste the sweetness of him.Only a few more feet and she would be enveloped into the Blackness of him.His strength.His love.

     “Nyeusi.” He said again.

     Drops of rain began to fall,Nyeusi slowed her pace.She didn’t want to trip again.A rumble of thunder could be heard approaching.Nyeusi wanted to reach him before the storm broke.She tried to remember how long she had loved him.How long he had been able to raise the fires of passion in her, then quench them, almost magically.The raindrops came faster.She had to summon up her strength before the thunder and lightning got closer; storms always meant danger to her.She had to get to him before...

     The explosion of thunder snapped Nyeusi Matthews'

eyes open like a wayward window shade.Sinking deeper into the firm mattress,she pulled the heavy white comforter up tightly around her face.

     Why did Edwin have to work late tonight ? She thought.

     Not that he would comfort her,but knowing he was in the house would  have helped ease her mind.Nyeusi was overly afraid of thunderstorms.Her husband, Dr.Edwin James Matthews,III thought her fear of storms was childish.He thought everything about her childish, except her bank account.

     Trickles of sweat ran from her thighs and back,moistening the sheet beneath her.Nyeusi moved her body a fraction of an inch upward,hoping to release the stickiness of her gown.A streak of lightning lit her bedroom like a giant flash bulb.Nyeusi screamed,rolling off the edge of the bed onto the floor,taking the heavy comforter with her.She crawled the length of the bed towards the door.Her elbows burned from scraping against the highly polished wood floor.When she was about a foot away,the door knob began to turn.She tried to back up,just as a loud clap of thunder and a flash of lightning tore through the sky, ricocheting through the room.Nyeusi's primal scream blended with the thunderous storm.

     As the door opened she screamed again.

     "Nyeusi!" Edwin shouted.She was huddled on the floor,tangled in the bed covers."Nyeusi,"he turned on the light,"what is wrong with you? It's me." He walked over to his terrified wife,lying almost catatonic in a fetal position.

     He rolled her to her side and brushed the black,damp curls from her face.He went into the bathroom,returning with a cold cloth.Nyeusi inhaled sharply when the coolness brushed her forehead.

     Edwin's cream colored face and steel hued eyes slowly came into focus with Nyeusi's rapid blinking."Edwin?"

     "Yeah,its me.What is wrong with you Nye? I come home and you're wrapped in the blanket screaming like a banshee caterpillar." He helped untangle her,then walked her to the bed.

     "I was having one of those dreams again when the storm woke me.I remember falling to the floor and then the door opened.I don't remember much else until I saw you." Edwin quickly stood when Nyeusi attempted to hug him.

     "Did you take your pills tonight?" He asked, removing his jacket and shirt.

     "Yes,yes I did." She stammered.Whenever she wanted to share her dreams with Edwin he only wanted to know if she took the pills he’d prescribed for her shortly after they moved to New York.She couldn’t seem to get a grip on things being so far from home without her family.The first time she took the cinnamon red pills, they made her dizzy and things seemed distorted.

     When she told Edwin, he became angry and said she had to get used to them.”They’re only sleeping pills,Nye.Millions of women take them every night.”

     She never took them again.She would flush two of them down the toilet occasionally,in case Edwin did one of his routine inspections of her medicine cabinet.

     Nyeusi began to remove her damp gown.

     "Nye,can't you change in the bathroom?" His look of disgust,made her heart cry.She opened her hands allowing the cooling fabric to fall against her.

     Walking slowly to her lingerie chest,she selected a long blue gown and matching panties.She noticed the storm had stopped,and decided to take a bath."I'll only be a few minutes." She said smiling at him,hope in her eyes.

     Briefly glancing in her direction he replied, "Good.You need to get some sleep.So do I.I'm tired." He turned away,unbuckling his pants.

     Nyeusi went into the bathroom,trying to swallow the tears she felt building up.After two years of marriage she should have been used to his inexplicable rejections.She pulled the damp gown over her head,and slid off the sweat soaked panties.

     Nyeusi turned the water on full force,pouring a capful of jasmine bubble bath and tea tree oil into the water.The black porcelain tub made her jump a little at she perched on its cool impersonal side.

     I can’t understand a man who doesn’t want to touch his wife...hitting doesn’t count.

     She pushed the thoughts from her mind as she slid into the half filled tub.Her eyes locked on the growing mountain of white foamy bubbles.One bubble broke free.Her gaze followed it as it landed on her knee and silently popped.Her thoughts uncontrollably raced back to what she secretly called “Hell Night.”

     Nyeusi held the two elongated champagne flutes as Edwin refilled them.

     “Please baby,make another toast.” Nyeusi said, her words slightly slurred.They were drinking the second bottle of complimentary champagne the hotel placed in their honeymoon suite.

     “Okay.” Edwin replied,”To my wife Nyeusi Matthews...”

     “Nyeusi Roberts-Matthews.” Nyeusi giggled.

     “...and our life together in New York.” He mumbled the last two words as he hurriedly sipped from his glass.

     “New York? Edwin did you say New York?”

     He drained the remaining wine,then refilled his glass and downed it quickly. “Yes,I did.I have accepted a position at East General Hospital.I start in two weeks.” He refilled his glass.

     Nyeusi sat her glass on the table.”Two weeks!Edwin we never talked about moving to New York.We never talked about New York! We’re going house hunting next week! When we get back from our honeymoon, remember?”

     They were spending the night in a downtown Atlanta luxury hotel before flying off to Belize for their official honeymoon trip.

     “Now you don’t have to worry about looking for a house,because we already have an apartment in Manhattan.”

     Nyeusi sat on the edge of the super king-size bed,looking out of the huge window at the champagne blurred skyline.She shook her head a few times trying to bring things into focus.

     “Manhattan! Edwin what are you talking about? When did you get us an apartment in Manhattan?”

     “I didn’t get it.” He tossed the champagne down his throat,seized the bottle,quickly refilled his glass.”My mother did.”

     “Your mother.” Nyeusi’s voice was monotone.

     Magnolia Jasmine Tate Matthews.The great matriarch of a small family of “has beens” and “want to bes.”Nyeusi and her mother-in-law hadn’t quite bonded and she doubted if they ever would.

     “Why would your mother get us an apartment in New York, Edwin? I’m telling you now,I’m not going.” She stood up on unstable coltish legs. “I am not living in New York. It’s cold.It’s dirty.It’s...”

     The magnitude of pain and blinding cascade of stars was so unexpected, when they disintegrated, Nyeusi felt suspended in time.Her mind couldn’t quite register what had just transpired.When she looked at Edwin,his steel gray eyes were hard and cold as an unfired gun.

     “Edwin?” Her voice cracking,the movement intensifying the pain in her face.Large tears mingled with the remaining professionally done make up,before spotting her snow white silk gown.

     “Don’t question me Nyeusi! I am your husband.I make the decisions in this family.Not you!”

     She wiped her tears with one of the discarded linen napkins on the dinner cart.The smell of the strawberry torte drifted in her nostrils.

     “You hit me.” she mumbled.

     He didn’t acknowledge what she said or what he’d done.

     “Edwin,you hit me.I am going to tell Papa.You hit me!” A fresh batch of tears began to flow.

     He picked up the phone,”Call your precious Papa.Tell him how I beat you on our wedding night! You can tell the whole world for all I care.Go back to that piece of rock in the middle of nowhere.I’m going to New York. We can get this marriage annulled tomorrow!”

     Is he crazy? We haven’t been married twelve hours and he’s talking about an annulment! I can’t live without him.I love him.

     Nyeusi wiped her face and noticed blood on the napkin.Her nose was bleeding.She went into the bathroom.Edwin followed.She ran cold water on a cloth and placed it under her nose.

     “Nyeusi...I’m...I’m sorry.It’s just that you  have to understand I make the decisions for us now.”

     I knew he didn’t mean to hit me.Edwin loves me as much as I love him.Probably more.We’ve just had too much to drink.

     He took the cloth from her,checking her nose.The bleeding had stopped.

     “I love you Nye.”

     “I love you too Edwin.But what about your work at Papa’s clinic?”

     “Damn your Papa’s clinic! Your father only wants me around as an assistant.I have been his assistant for three years too many! I can run my own clinic better than your father can! He is still delivering babies for a bushel of produce.But does he want to listen to me and my ideas? Hell no! I refuse to cater to the high and mighty Dr.Thurmond T.Roberts again!

     “But Edwin...”

     The second smack wasn’t as hard as the first,but still as shocking.

     “Don’t question me again.”

     Nyeusi saw for the first time a red thick vein throbbing in Edwin’s neck.She took a couple of steps backward.Edwin rushed her as her legs made contact with the bed.As she fell back,the weight of his body on hers caused the air to whoosh from her lungs.By the time she filled them with air,Edwin was ripping the gown she spent two months shopping for.She fought him  until a well manicured hand went to her neck and she looked into those hard gun metal eyes.

     Her body became still as a single thought crept icily through her mind,”My husband is going to kill me on our wedding night.What have I gotten myself into?”

     A part of Nyeusi retreated.He shredded her self-esteem piece by piece. She never questioned Edwin again.

     The cooling water in the tub made Nyeusi shiver.She debated if she should add more hot water, but a long yawn decided for her.

     Nyeusi stood up,the water cascaded down her five-ten Hershey bar brown frame.She ran her hands through her pixie cut curls.Grabbing the big purple towel from the warmer,she hurriedly dried herself and put the fresh panties and gown on.

     Edwin's loud snores greeted her as she emerged from the bathroom.She quietly slipped in the bed yearning to cuddle along side her husband,but one rejection a night was enough.She turned her back to him and drifted into a dreamless sleep.